Please Don’t Pee in The Pool

My husband really hates public pools and, for the most part, has an aversion to swimming anywhere lots of kids do. He always makes comments about not wanting to swim in the pee water. I figure a fair amount of kids soil their swim diapers and really question how effective they are anyhow. But I figure, what I don’t know (and what tons of chlorine will kill) won’t hurt me. Today at the lake, though, I had the pleasure of watching a four year old boy whip it out and pee in the lake. Yep, right in the shallow beach where all the kids were swimming. My 3 year old had only moments before bolted out of the shallows yelping to go to the potty, but it apparently didn’t cross this lad’s mind to even try to make it. Nor did he have an “accident” where the warm water just caused his bladder to relax. Nope. We got full frontal as he proudly produced an arc for the world to see.

I heard his dad say, “Son, why is your suit down? Pull your suit up.” Some one else said, “he’s going pee.” The dad just gently chided him for baring his bits. Reflexively, I firmly said “[boy's name], PLEASE don’t pee in the lake. Use the bathroom.” But neither of the parents seemed in any way off put by his behavior. Now I know accident’s happen, but I also re alizethat children aren’t born knowing it isn’t okay to pee in public swimming areas. Uh, behavior modification anyone? Hope they invite me over so I can take a leak in their hot tub. I’m sure my daughter would be too polite to.

Fecal Facination

I spend a bit too much time in bathrooms these days. My three year old has been reliably potty trained for a full year, yet the sheer novelty of bathrooms-unseen draws us to them in restaurants, malls, friends’ homes. The other day, my dear co-blogger, Amanda had my daughter over for a while. They were in the downstairs play area when my girl said she needed the potty. Amanda told her that the potty seat was upstairs, but my girl was so adamant about using the rarely-seen guest bathroom that she went up a flight of stairs to retrieve the seat, and returned to Amanda to christen uncharted toilet territory.

Ah, but I digress… Back to the bathroom. Mothers everywhere are familiar with kid chatter that goes on in neighboring stalls. Some of it is oh so precious, while a vast quantity ranges from funny, to embarrassing, to truly vile. My daughter simply adores examining her poo. Not only gazing at it once it has passed into the bowl, but evaluating size, construction, potential kinship relationships (“look, a mommy poop and a baby poop”). Ah, but the very finest in caca commentary has its origins in a comment made at daycare: One of the teachers was stunned at the quantity of poop my daughter can produce in a sitting. So much so that upon spying my precious angel’s bowl-winder, she cried out, “oh my, a snake!” Now, in toilets throughout the tri-state area, you will know it is us in the next stall if you hear a wee, darling voice proudly cry out “look mom, a snake!”

Diapers too Cute for Our Own Good

I was chatting with the preschool teacher at my daughter’s school this week about how many kids get to her class that still aren’t potty trained. I know a lot of preschools that won’t accept students that aren’t, but ours doesn’t have such a rule. The teacher was talking about one of the many things that makes it easier for parents of little girls: fashion. She says that she sees the two year old girls talking about how cute this or that outfit is and how they want Dora this or Hello Kitty that. I do remember that letting my daughter pick out her first underwear was an inspiration. She had to make it 3 days without an accident to get to wear them. And yes, she did it.

But then we started talking about how modern disposable diapers are actually a bit too cute. She says she thinks that, in addition to them being too comfortable (which some makers of “training pants” are working on), the fact that they feature all of kids’ favorite characters diminishes the appeal of adorable underwear, for boys and girls. Interesting. Another thing my girl never had were these darling little diapers… poor deprived thing wore Seventh Generation chlorine-free diapers because I didn’t want bleach next to her skin. And that was only at daycare; she wore cloth diapers at all other times. Dull, beige, unbleached cotton. I don’t know for a fact that either made potty training easier, but I am sure that the cuteness factor was, in fact, a factor.

Sit Ubu, Sit

The life of our dog overlapped that of our daughter’s for two short years. She loved that dog. She also took a great deal of pleasure in our daily training sessions. She loved to repeat the commands: Sit, Down, Stay. Needless to say, her wee falsetto didn’t command a great deal of respect from our 150lb behemoth. Training the behemoth, however, gave me a great deal of respect for the benefit of dog training experience for new mothers.

I can hear the gasps. No, not metaphorically, I have actually heard people gasp when I’ve said this out loud. My girl potty-trained early (22-24 months), and relatively fast. No one really thinks all kids potty train alike or that one method fits all, but her success has caused a couple of moms to ask about my technique. I always try to be sure they are serious about wanting me to answer because another thing no one thinks is that someone else should tell them how to raise their kids. Anyhow, one mom said she really wanted to know so I say, “[Name Deleted], how many dogs have you trained?” “Four,” she replied. “And how many shit on the floor?” “None,” she replied. “Okay then, you know how to potty train a child: Be consistent, firm, but caring. Never mean, just keep a schedule and keep constant with your expectations.” She left (and did, in fact, have a dramatic improvement with her son over the next two weeks, though I haven’t asked what did the trick), and another mom said, aghast, “Did I hear you right? Did you compare child-rearing to dog-training?” Oh the appalled look on her face. Well, she has a two year old and a baby due any month now. We’ll see how serious she gets—and what tactics she may turn to in her hour of need—when she’s got a newborn and a terrible-two in the house at once. I hear that it is frowned upon to crate train the little ones…