Had an interesting day talking kids with people. First, at the doctor: I had to get a couple of moles hacked at, uh, I mean examined to be sure they aren’t cancer. Needless to say, situations like these prompt nervous chatter so I asked for a recommendation on kid’s sunscreen (hate to have my daughter making this same doctor visit in 30 years). She recommended Baby Blue Lizard, saying that without zinc, sunscreens aren’t actually very effective for the full spectrum. Anyhow, this led to more kid talk, which wound around to how oppositional our darling toddlers are. Mom says wait; kid bolts. Mom says sky blue; kid says red. And so on. So her 3 1/2 year old boy has started hiding from her in public places. Needless to say, this gives mom mini-heart attacks every time. The problem we both have in these situations is balancing putting the appropriate fear of danger into our kids without making them fearful. I’ve heard mom’s say things like, “If I can’t see you, some bad person will take you.” Don’t know about their kids, but mine is pretty black and white. This sort of “threat” could cause some serious nightmares simply because a three year old doesn’t grasp the distinction between possible threat and imminent danger. And as powerful as fear is as a parenting tool… well, none of us wants a terrified toddler either.
Parenting chat number two today was with a dad. He was trying to convince me that I should go to a conference in Denver. I explained that with a three year old at home, I try to minimize my business travel. Oh but wait, he has a 3 1/2 year old himself and he’s going. “Um. Ya.” I said, “You are a man.” Silence. “I guess I see your point,” he said. “And let me guess, Dxxx, you have a stay at home wife.” “Yes.” “Well,” I said, “know this will come as a shock, but I don’t.” He laughed and we moved on to other topics… like that his boy suddenly refuses to sleep in his own bed. And guess what? Mom wanted to hang tough and let him cry it out, but dad can’t take the crying. “Michelle,” he said, “he doesn’t just yell, he sobs; it is heartbreaking.” Um, Duh. This is one of the many human offspring survival tools: the heart-wrenching weeping that tugs at us and keeps us bound to the wee terrors during this difficult phase. And of course, dad will be heading off for another business trip soon. Good luck, mom. Hang tough.
Posted by mm 