More Kids? Think Twice.

As a mother, I can find a way to feel guilty about everything. One random bout of guilt this week was inspired by Amanda’s two beautiful boys: Why, oh why was I so selfish and did not give my daughter a friend for life, a sibling? She is so caring and nurturing of Amanda’s littler one and all of her friends’ new baby brothers (no one around seems to be producing girls right now; though everyone seems to be having a second child, of course).  I was driving home from work, feeling incredibly selfish about my choice (yet again, of course) and actually started to cry when I pictured my daughter lovingly playing with a little sister.

Yet like most guilt, this whole line of thinking was based on an idyllic image of these two brothers’ best moments. I know from all of my friends that the reality of wee siblings includes a lot of jealousy, fighting, competition (and, of course, fierce love). I also used to have this incredibly naive idea that it would get easier with the second one; that you’d learn a few things with that mysterious first child that you could apply to subsequent ones. HA!

Like all cases of reality, the truth is mixed: Sure, you learn some strategies for getting them to, say,  learn to blow their noses (be a dragon, really blow!), but the little buggers are as different as stray socks in the dryer. Your first one might have been the best sleeper, but a picky eater while the second will be a night owl and eat everything not nailed down (until he gets a hold of hammer when you are distracted by the first one and pries it up).

Oh motherhood! No right choices, only the best choices you can come up with in the (usually desperate) moment.

Top Ten Reasons That I Won’t Be Having a Third Child

My husband and I were recently discussing whether or not we should have another child at some point.  We have opted instead to contact a urologist for a certain surgical procedure.  The following is a list of reasons why.

10.  Two hands, two children, I lack the equipment to slap a third.

9.  Airplane seats are typically three across.  As a public service for other travellers, I need to be able to be seated immediately close to all of my minion.

8.  Two are making us go broke.  The care, feeding and education of children is outrageously expensive.

7.  I haven’t slept well in four years and it is starting to make me quite surly.

6.   As wonderful as babies are, they turn into children.

5.  My sanity can not handle any more chaos, which increases exponentially with each child.

4.  I simply have no more room on my abdomen for stretch marks.

3.  Being pregnant sucks.  Anyone who tells you other wise is a filthy damn liar.

2.  I can barely keep the two I have from killing each other or them selves.  Surely a third wouldn’t have a prayer.

1.  Once you already have two, there is no time for procreation anyway.  Even if there were time, it would better be spent resting, because tomorrow is guaranteed to be more of the same.